Deliverance Meets The Muppets
In one of my classes I sit in the front row. Directly behind me are two girls with bimbo-esque names and a tendency to carry on the kind of witty banter that one would expect from blondes with big boobs and nonexistent IQ's. If one were simply listening to them, one would come to the immediate conclusion that they were any 19 year old boy's wet dream come true. If one were simply listening to them.
One of them, we'll call her Tiffany, is indeed blonde. She's from California and has Valley Girl down to a science. While being moderately deficient in the boob department she could still be considered a wet dream come true (I'm guessing at this as I'm not a 19 year old boy), were it not for the fact that her facial features make her look like a creation Jim Henson would have been proud of. I've never seen such a Muppet-esque person. It's incredible really. I have to restrain myself from speaking like the Swedish Chef when I look at her.
The other one... Well, while psuedonyming her "Gargantua" would indeed be descriptively accurate, I fear that it is a bit too cruel and life will find some way to punish me for it. Anyway, this poor child, I'm afraid, has come straight out of Deliverance*. One would assume that since she's at university she should have at least had a cursory education. But I'm learning that making assumptions is a very dangerous thing. Today, she asked me how to spell "burgers", a word with which I'm sure she's well-acquainted, for a web project we were doing. Her first guess was "bergas". At least she knew it started with a "b"... Her favorite verb in the past tense is "done" as in "I done finished it last year." And she really likes "fixin' to" for the future tense. I could go on and on...
Anyway, I'm never sure whether cackling with mad laughter or running away screaming is a more appropriate response. The mind boggles, really.
*Okay, so I've never actually seen Deliverance, but my mother's people** are from a small town on the West Virginia/Kentucky border so I feel that I have some basis for making a comparison.
**The only reason I admit this is that I was adopted and do not share any close genetic ties to them.
posted by SuperKate @ 12:54 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
There seems to be many such people in most classes. On Monday, I gave my students an easy assignment, just 4 short stories. Today, I come into class, and over half of my students hadn't read it, claiming they misread the assignment and assumed I just put up the wrong page numbers. Then, when I asked them to do some in class writing, they had to waste the whole damn period rereading the stories, then missing the point of the questions. And none of them even wanted to put out. Assmonkeys!!!!
Are you sure you don't want me to be your oil boy?
Maybe she's the wet dream come true of a 19 year boy who happens to be fixated on Muppets?
Could be, could be. I've yet to meet such a person. And one has to wonder about a person who would want to have kinky sex with a Muppet...
There was a girl in my English Comp class who didn't know the meaning of the word "Gargantuan" I tried to explain what it meant, and I thought that being 6'6" it would be a simple task, but no such luck
She's a dance major. Go figure.
Post a Comment
<< Home