Dude, I'm SO Over The Pyramids
As SuperMikeyPants has offered an East African Safari of Vengeance and International Miscreanting, I cannot contain my excitement solely in the comments section. I must devote an entire post to it.
This is what he had to say:
Would you care to go to East Africa and help me hunt down and kill a woman who stole several thousand dollars from me? Then we can swing over and castrate Marmaduke. Then, just for fun, we can climb to the top of the Great Pyramid and have a peeing contest (distance and amount)
My first question is, of course, which East African country? Second, will you be expecting to perform a molten-glass enema on your nemesis? Third, will you be willing to castrate Marmaduke yourself? I have no desire to be anywhere near his genitals. It took me months to get the smell of his BO off my backpack, and that was just from his arms. I don't wanna know what kind of crotch-rot he's got going on.
I'd be willing to take you on for the peeing contest, at least in the amount category* as distance has never been my forte. I would ask for a change of venue though. The Pyramids really are just big piles of rocks. No, really. In my photo album that's how they're labeled "Oooh, look! Me next to another pile of rocks". And then there are a couple which are cleverly staged (by Marmaduke, incidentally, and "cleverly" is sarcastic in case you didn't pick that up) with a full Pyramid behind my head. These are labeled "Me, with a Pyramid Hat."
The piles of rocks are just not that exciting. I suppose if mummies came out and chased you it would be a different story. But no, it's just sand, rocks, hot sun beating down on your head and turning your skin a sick shade of purple, and, if you've been smart enough to wear sandals, little bits of camel turd between your toes.
*One of my SuperPowers as SuperKate is the possession of the WonderBladder. It was one of my first recorded SuperPowers, actually. And when I was in Alaska, due to certain reservations I had about peeing in front of other people, I didn't pee for 6 days. When I finally did break down and let go I was peeing for a good 4 minute stretch. Yes, it was timed.
posted by SuperKate @ 7:15 PM
12 comments
12 Comments:
I suppose it is worth explaining that when I was in Alaska I was on a month-long sea kayaking course. So it's not like we had group peeing-and-timing sessions in public... Although there was that one time when we all peed on the glacier, and then peed on the campfire...
I am honored that I have an entire entry devoted to me. I knew you loved me and that you want to help me depopulate the universe.
I can't remember the country, but I'm sure I could find the old e-mails. And I think I could castrate from a distance if need be. I have a rancher uncle, and they use rubber bands to do the trick. Should work on buttmuncher boys too.
Were there enough of you to melt the glacier? And have you gotten over your fear of public peeing?
So, do they shoot the rubberbands, or what? Or wrap them around everything? That would seem somehow even more intimate than simply hacking away with a dull and rusty spoon...
We didn't actually manage to melt the glacier. Incidentally, the glacier was named after a famous prostitute. I think Alaskans must somehow have a different logic than the rest of us if they name large chunks of ice after their whores...
My bladder is less shy than it was previously, but I'm still not terribly happy about going for a pee in the middle of a road or crowded square. Not in the daylight anyway.
I have a huge problem with peeing infront of other people.... or around other people so that they can hear any noise what so ever. However, I dont think i could hold it for 6 days.
Holding it for so long isn't really recommended by doctors (nor is abstaining from water, which I was also doing as a strategy to keep from peeing), and they say it leads to incontinence later on. So someday you'll see me advertising depends.
I'm more a fart-phobe these days. I want to run away screaming if there is the slightest chance anyone might hear me fart...
Goodnight, fellow pee-er. Enjoy your shower and whatever entertainment you devise therein, as well as the reading and non computer portion of the talent competition. As for holding it, I developed a rule when I was in Ireland: At every stop, no matter if you have to go or not, force yourself to, so you don't get caught with a full bladder at some critical moment. Just food for thought.
Good Morning. On a dare from a female friend, today I am wearing one of her thongs. Weird experiance.
Good Morning. On a dare from a female friend, today I am wearing one of her thongs. Weird experiance.
Did you hear that they're banning thongs on some beaches? Apparently people have been getting sand in them and actually sawing themselves in half as they walked... ;0P
Did you hear that they're banning thongs on some beaches? Apparently people have been getting sand in them and actually sawing themselves in half as they walked... ;0P
Dammit, why is it doubling up today? Eat my boogers, Blogger! (Well, it worked before)
Anyway, thongs are an interesting experience. I seem to have a mess of them as Victoria's Secret had a thong sale a couple summers ago. I find they're useful if you need to be reminded that you're wearing underwear...
Oooh! And once CaptainKangaroo (an Australian I knew in Italy, not the beloved children's show guy) said he thought it would be really nice if one day everyone came to school in thongs. I looked at him strangely. Then he looked at me strangely for looking at him strangely. Finally we figured out that he meant flip-flops and had a nice giggle about it (followed by shots of grappa and general silliness, of course).
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