Mikey's Proposal(s)
As you may or may not have noticed, SuperMikeyPants has asked me to marry him on not one, not two, but three, count 'em three blog comment sections since last night. So I suppose I should respond...
I will marry you MikeyPants, but only on the following conditions:
1. You understand that the only reason I would ever consider getting married is so I can get divorced. The duration of the marriage is negotiable, but I want to get divorced at some point.
2. You have no expectations of fidelity. I won't expect it of you either. Not that I sleep around (I haven't actually had sex for over 6 months), but I like to keep my options open.
3. You raise the children. I have no objections to pregnancy and in fact find the idea kind of cute, but I don't like small children. Or teenagers. Or people in general for that matter.
4. You dress up like a priest on occasion, as that is one of my favorite kinks.
5. You do the grocery shopping. I hate grocery stores.
6. You clean. I don't. Hiring someone is also acceptable.
7. You are patient with the fact that I am both agoraphobic and claustrophobic and I don't like people most of the time.
8. You are comfortable sleeping on the couch or have a 2 bedroom place. I sleep alone.
9. You accept the blame for everything, all the time as you are a boy and that is your job.
10. Oooh, and you'll have to finance my global meanderings as I am running out of money and have no job.
Does anyone wonder why I'm still single?
I don't...
posted by SuperKate @ 10:40 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
I agree to your terms, but with a few of my own.
1. No children.
2. I get to watch you shower, and occasionally wash your back.
3. We wait until either my book is published or an unknown rich relative of mine dies so we can both travel the world and leave paths of ugly americanisms.
4. The divorce happens no later than five years after the wedding.
Oh, and if you want to marry Beaky at the same time, we'll find a three bedroom place, cuz I sleep alone too.
It's okay Beaky, I'm sure if you want to cuddle MikeyPants will be more than happy to oblige. Personally, I don't do cuddling. So yeah, the love is lacking, but it's nothing personal. ;0P
I see a sitcom in this. I call dibs on the freaky next-door neighbor who shows up at the least oppertune moment. Also, I'm a mad scientist.
Would you dress up like a wombat and frequently explode things in your apartment and light yourself on fire? Or is that cliche in the sitcom market? I've stopped watching TV so I've lost touch with these things...
That would only work if the neighbors on the other side were a married couple, one gay man and a lesbian, who got married in order to get health benefits, who are both dating other people, but still argue about doing the dishes.
That could be arranged...
And it would all have to take place at a nudists colony.
That could also be arranged so long as EsotericWombat got to dress up like a wombat on occasion. And he'd also have to be able to wear enough clothing to effectively set himself on fire at least once a show. Pubes are not sufficient for such.
I want to be the cranky, belligerent neighbour who abuses everyone and yet, for some reason, all the neighbours still think he's cute and funny anyway. Gotta have one of those.
Sounds like a plan! We should pitch it to the TV people.
Then we'll make a million bazillion dollars and get to spend the rest of our lives on yachts sipping cocktails and coming up with charming yet silly catch phrases.
This is my perfect life. Perhaps I should get out more.
I enjoy having no life. It leaves plenty of room for bone-idleness (is that a word?)
Post a Comment
<< Home