WTF?

Holy fuck me sideways with a blowtorch Batman!

This is the latest in the Marmeduke saga...

hi : kate
well ; for what concerne my visa i have only tow way
the fist one iS if you accept me as married i mean you send me certifecate that we are marreid
the second is either you incripte my name in one of the university or school in america. so what i want is to help me with one among those two condition. and i hope we to be socciful as long as you are in good condition with health.i know nothing can stop you for helping me .you have faithfulness and fair and pity for other poeple . my allah help everywere you are aroud the world,
GOD BLESS YOU .

For the record, I'd rather eat rancid tuna out of my own ass than marry this dude, or even pretend to marry him. I'd also like to know what "socciful" means

I pointed him in the direction of a website that should have told him that I cannot get him a visa. But yet again, he seems not to have understood.