Why We Need To Start A Fund For Chipper's Therapy...

I was on the phone with darling Chipper last night. The conversation meandered through all kinds of subjects. Everything from why DurangoGenevieve is an obnoxious twat to why we should get married (for the tax breaks, and just to mess with his mother's mind - heh heh, she wants to meet my parents...).

In the end though, I became deeply worried about his sanity. We were discussing all of the fun happy things we are going to do when he moves in next fall. I said I wanted to make cheese as that has been a life-long dream of mine. He got kind of quiet and I could hear keyboard clicking in the background. I figured he was bored with the conversation and doing some kind of innocent internet canvassing of some sort.

But no.

He was not bored.

It was not canvassing.

And it was not innocent.

The next thing he said was, "What kind of drugs would make you lactate? We should make KateCheese."

After a prolonged barf, I got back on the phone and informed him that he was truly insane and that I had no intention of being milked, ever. We then had an argument about the sanitation of such a thing and why, despite our best intentions, we wouldn't be able to sell such a product, nor even give it away, to Christian homeless shelters.

I tried to distract him with other scintillating topics like how to clean out a colon, but he would not be diverted.

So, I propose that we set up a fund to send Chipper into immediate psychoanalysis. Otherwise we shall soon be seeing products on our shelves like KateCheese, Toast-and-Smegma, and Coffee-Enema-Bagel-Spread.

I would not want to live in such a world...