Why I Shouldn't Listen To German Techno Before Sleeping

I've noticed a disturbing pattern. When I listen to E Nomine before I go to sleep, I am plagued by very strange dreams. The first occurred several weeks ago. I dreamt I had seduced Tim Allen (yes, Tim the ToolMan). In an antiques store, no less. The manager had gone away for lunch, so we were going to have a go on one of the antique sofas. The problem was, there was a coffee shop next door and large windows, so all of these people had their faces pressed up against the glass watching us. We couldn't find a place where they didn't have a good view. We were about to give up and just do it anyway with everyone watching, but then the manager came back and opened the store. And I woke up.

Then yesterday I listened all evening again. My dreams throughout the night involved complicated and incredibly strange sexual scenarios. There was one that involved being on a military plane that was dropping bombs, but also happened to be on fire and was about to blow up, so the pilot and I decided to have a go. And then we blew up and were ghosts. He said, "I think it's kinda shallow, but the last thing I thought before I died was, 'I wonder what people will remember me for?'" And I said, "Probably for being a good fuck. Anyway, at least now we can sneak into the CIA without being detected." Because apparently even in death I am very shallow.

There was another that involved the fate of the world resting on whether or Andy (I guy I used to know who is very happily married) and I had sex. It was a complicated dream-logic kind of scenario. He didn't want to cheat on his wife, I didn't want him to cheat on his wife, but if we didn't make that happen, like I said, the world was going to end. We couldn't make ourselves do it, so alarms started going off, things started blowing up. For some reason I was concerned about the mess I was making as everything was going insane (it made sense at the time). And then we discovered that in a fit of jealousy, "the Australian*" had betrayed us all and set the preceding events in motion. And then people in my hallway started yelling so I woke up.

Ordinarily my dreams aren't nearly so exciting. And they don't usually involve sex. Normally I dream about fairly mundane things like yelling at my parents (I only yell at them in real life once or twice a year, so I need some sort of psychic release or my head will explode), or eating ice cream in small towns in Oklahoma while waiting for a flight to Beijing. But apparently my subconscious links dark German techno with sex and excitement. So, I don't think I shall be listening to such before sleeping anymore. It's not that I object to sex and excitement, it's more that I find it rather inconvenient to wake up with all of my sheets (including the fitted one) on the floor. And I still feel dirty about the Tim Allen dream.

*Malcolm, the guy I would have married for a European passport