The Mechanical Contrivium: SuperKate

Ten Top Trivia Tips about SuperKate!

1. Ideally, SuperKate should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
2. Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using SuperKate!
3. A lump of SuperKate the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!
4. SuperKateolatry is the mindless worship of SuperKate!
5. There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of SuperKate orbiting the Earth!
6. SuperKate is only six percent water.
7. The international dialling code for SuperKate is 672.
8. The patron saint of SuperKate is Saint Eugenie!
9. New Zealand was the first place to allow SuperKate to vote.
10. Michelangelo finished his great statue of SuperKate in 1504, after eighteen months work!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Revision To Fundy Plan

Rather than subject myself to Fundies for literary purposes, I have decided it will be more fun to repell them. My new course of action shall include walking around muttering "Bum fuckery" over and over again under my breath, with occasional exclamaitions of a high pitched, squeaky, "Poot". And flatulence. This means I will have to frequent Taco Bell, but that's fine, I'm in a burrito kind of mood.

Hopefully this will be all it takes to make them stay away from me, and it will give me something to write about as well.

More Running Away Screaming

They call themselves "Campus Crusaders".

I call them "Attak of the Fundies".

I was meeting with one of my marketing plan group members last night (I can't recall his name - names like Brandon and Mike were tossed around, but I think they were in reference to the other group members who weren't there), and I was let in on the "secret" that he looooooooooooooves Jesus. I have been invited to get in on the loving as well. Because apparently Jesus loves us all back. Isn't that sweet?

Anyway, I'm thinking about attending just so I have some blogging material (my life has been quite boring lately so I don't really have anything to write about). Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Jesus was a great guy, and I beleive in some kind of god*, it's just loosely defined and doesn't involve "witnessing", swaying with my hand in the air, or playing with snakes. I also find it quite fun to make fun of Christians in such a way that they do not know they are being teased.

Perhaps that makes me petty and mean. I don't really care.

I have to go back to class.

Fuck it all.

*If I didn't beleive in something, I would have shot myself repeatedly in the spleen long ago**

**Life is much too annoying to simply hang on because the biological processes say we should

I Respectfully Request To Be Shot In The Ears

While I normally find it gratifying to know there is someone scrubbing the floor above my head* on their hands and knees, this morning I found it to be quite annoying. Not only did she come 6 days and 3 hours later than she was supposed to, she also felt it necessary to blast country music for the entire time she was there. I'm not talking about normal, nearly mainstream country music**. It was the gut-bucket, out-of-tune harmonica, poorly crooned garbage my nightmares are made of. For 3 hours. At least she had the good sense not to sing along. Well, not that I could hear anyway. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't complain.

*I sleep in the basement because the rest of the house is too damn hot, regardless of the temperature outside

**In weak moments I have been known to appreciate cheesey love songs with a twang

Nobody Likes A Quitter

I just quit smoking again. Cold turkey. I haven't had a smoke since Thursday afternoon. I hate the world.

I suppose it had sort of developed into a problem... I mean, even Random Korean was telling me I was smoking too much (which was ironic because he kept forcing* cigarettes on me). 18-Year-Old-From-Hong-Kong expressed the same sentiment, but always when he was bumming smokes off of me instead.

So now, here I am. Nicotine free. And hating my life even more than usual.

I haven't had a drink since I quit either.

And I haven't had sex since August.

I think all of these things conspire to make me miserable.

Perhaps one day soon I shall have to have an adventure in hedonism where I partake of all earthly delights in excessive amounts of excess. That would be fun.

*Handing me the pack and asking if I wanted one

Running Away Screaming

I would like the world and my university to know that I would be very happy if everyone would kindly fuck off and die, slowly and painfully. With a chainsaw, if at all possible.

Thank you.

I got tagged...

4 Thingie-Mac-Bobbers

Four jobs you have had:

Movie theater concessions server
UPS mail sorter
Nanny
Teacher of English as a second langauge

Four movies you could watch over and over:

Dead Poets Society
The Thin Red Line
The Negotiator
Pane e Tulipani (Bread and Tulips)

Four places you've lived:

Denver, Colorado
Durango, Colorado
Siena, Italy
Sana'a, Yemen

Four TV shows you love to watch:

CSI
Law & Order CI
Judging Amy
NCIS

Four places you've been on vacation:

Kyrgyzstan
Alaska
The Maldives
Eritrea

Four of your favorite foods:

Cheese (in all of its wonderous varieties)
Canned green beans
Freschetta Brick Oven frozen pizza (after it has been baked)
Microwave popcorn

Four places you'd rather be right now:

In bed asleep
Kyrgyzstan
The Maldives
Italy

Four sites I visit daily:

Yahoo
University email account
Meetup.com (does weekly count?)
Blogs (not daily anymore)

Thanks MikeyPants

I got tagged by the evil Mikey Pants. But, since doing this is more fun than putting on pants to go to class, I shall do it...

Two Parts of Your Heritage

1. I was adopted
2. But I'm guessing northern European plays into it somehow

Two Things That Scare You

1. Fire
2. Going to the grocery store

Two fears you overcame

1. Public Speaking
2. Very sharp pointy things

Two of Your Everyday Essentials

1. Smokes
2. Lighter

Two things you are Wearing Right Now

1. T-shirt
2. scrunchy (I'm glad I didn't need to list more than 2 'cause I'd be out of luck)

Two things you wore too much this year

1. My hoodie
2. clogs

This year's Favorite Bands or Musical Artists

1. Fall Out Boy
2. Anna Nalick

Two Things You Want in a Relationship

1. Intersting stories
2. Loyalty

Two of your favorite Movies of the Year

1. Jarhead
2. Hotel New Hampshire

Best movies of all time

1. Dead Poets Society
2. The Thin Red Line

Two things You hate

1. Rotting chicken
2. Homework

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies

1. Traveling
2. Drinking wine

Two things you learned this year

1. It is possible to get over the people who smash your heart into little tiny, painful pieces
2. It's okay to date people younger than myself

Two Accomplishments You are Proud of

1. I got accepted into a class which will let me be intimately invovled in the renovation and opening of a hotel
2. I have not quite going to the gym

Two Things You Want Really Badly

1. A glass of milk
2. A fucking bachelor's degree

Two place you went this year.

1. Kyrgyzstan
2. Denmark

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation

1. Back to the Maldives
2. Mongolia

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die

1. Ride a train across Siberia
2. Get married (and divorced)

Two Ways that you are a Stereotypical Example of your Gender

1. I love gossip
2. I'm completely insecure about the way I look

Two things that make you stand out.
1. I've been to 24 countries
2. Yemenis call me at random times

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit

1. I like my mess
2. I listen to Phil Collins to fall asleep

Two Goals for the New Year

1. Do my homework in a timely manner
2. Keep going to the gym

And I tag Andrea, if she hasn't already been tagged by Chipper

Name That Smell

There was an... unusual... smell permeating my kitchen when I woke up this morning. As there are ample things to create unusual smells strewn casually about my kitchen it became a bit of a detecting game to find the culprit.

My olfactory adventure was epic. I faced a week-and-a-half-old lump of garlic mashed potatoes. They had attitude. But I bitch-slapped them into submission with a dirty spatula and the garbage disposal.

The 4-day-old Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese had a hidden weapon. Lodged discreetly under the container was a rather large knife which the Mac and Cheese spitefully launched in my direction as I investigated. Fortunately, I had seen that trick before, so my toes were out of the way before any permanent damage could be done.

The tea pot was growing mold. I'm still not sure how this was accomplished.

The Green Machine* was not growing mold. I'm also not sure how this was accomplished, but it might have had something to do with the tequila.

All of these discoveries, while fascinating (and vile) had led me no closer to discovering the source of The Smell, however. I was beginning to think it was a rehashing of the Potato Incident, but I knew I had not bought any potatoes since then for fear of such a recurrence.

In a fit of brilliance, I decided that even though I hadn't been able to find the smell, I might as well take out the trash.

That's when I discovered the culprit. Rotting chicken at the top of the trash bag. It hadn't smell good when I had found it in the fridge, but I hadn't been in the mood to deal with it (again, the tequila might have had something to do with it), so I'd put it in the trash and forgotten about it.

I think the problem with living alone is that there is never anyone else to blame for mysterious smells and garbage problems. I should get an imaginary roommate or something. Although I don't know if that would really help.

Is This Growing Up?

Much to my surprise, I went to the gym this morning. I woke up to my alarm at 8:15 and promptly re-set it for 9:15. I was lying in bed thinking up good excuses for not going to the gym. I had myself completely talked out of it. Somehow, and I'm really not sure how, by 8:45 I was in my car driving to gym.

I really don't understand how these things happen. Next thing you know I'll actually be doing my homework.

And pigs will be flying.

Soggy Old White Man

I have nothing profound to write about at the moment, but I haven't written anything for a while, so here ya go.

There is a soggy old white man in a wet suit on TV right now. They're discussing something about the genomes of very tiny creatures deep in the ocean. Every time they say something about the genetic code, especially in reference to A, C, G, and T, I find myself shrieking "GATTACA!!!" and thinking warm fuzzy thoughts about Ethan Hawke.

In half an hour, I'm going to see Brokeback Mountain with Chipper and Justine*. Then we are partaking of Greek food for my Cost Control restaurant project with Beaky.

That is all.