The Devaluation Of My Hair

When I was a small child, everyone always said I had platinum blonde hair. As I grew up, it became more of a golden color. Now I have a silver streak growing out of the top of my head. What's next, copper highlights? Obscene patches of pewter? *Shudder shudder*

Aside from that, everything is pretty good. Last night, this guy named Rob gave me and Mondo and Girl balloons that he stole from the Blue People*. We walked down to the coffee shop and decided to make wishes when we let the balloons go. I couldn't think of a single really important thing to wish for. Heh, who would have ever guessed I was so satisfied with my life?

*High school students who invade the campus during the weekends for "career exploration**"

**We think they are really here just to annoy the piss out of us, but at least when they're here we get oreos with lunch

I No Speaky The Engrish

I've discovered lately that my English skills are rapidly diminishing. It's probably because I've been spending so much time with Boy and Mondo. I'm even beginning to think in accented, broken English. Seriously. Yesterday I caught myself thinking, "Now I must go. I didn't have shower since yesterday," in a Boris-and-Natasha kind of accent.

Last night I met a couple of Sicilians who were quite a lot of fun to talk to. Beppe reminded me of a man I used to know in Siena who was named Ado (short for "Adorando" which means "adoring" - I think his mother must have been on something). Thankfully, Beppe was quite a lot nicer than Ado, he doesn't have children older than I am, and he has all of his fingers.

Also, there is a mysterious wave of Davids re/appearing in my life. I dunno what it is. There is coffee shop/cafeteria/Mondo's friend David, Travelin' David (whom I met a couple years ago when I did a tour management course), and another one that I can't quite remember at the moment. I'm just waiting for that other David to show up again so I can run away screaming or just sit in a ball and suck my thumb in an attractively catatonic manner. Heh, that would be interesting.

Anyway, the countdown to Kyrgyzstan continues. And my most favorite wonderful Christine in all the world has booked us facials for when I'm in Denmark. Yay!

GJSNJKDSJKBDF!

Or something like that.

I'm bored. But I don't want to go out. I've been out all day, everyday, forever it seems.

I think I'll go take a nap.

Have a nice day.

Executive Decision

Just to let you all know, I'm taking the blog offline for the month of August. It'll be back when I return from Kyrgyzstan and I will probably write things while I'm away. But yeah, the blog will disappear while I'm gone.

It's Only Friday, Isn't It?

For some reason it seems like it should be at least Sunday. I dunno why. Oh well, at least I still have 2 more days to sleep in.

I would like to smack Boy repeatedly. First, he forgot his ID when we went out drinking last night so he was whiny and had to remain sober*. Then, when we got home he told me to wake him up for breakfast at 10:30 (it's now 1). This meant I had to set my alarm and wake up much earlier than I had wanted. And of course, he turned his phone off. So I was awake and as far as I know he is still asleep...

How odd... He called as I was typing that. Sleepy Boy accents are endearing. Dammit. How can one smack someone who sounds so adorable on the phone? *Sigh*

I've lost my whole train of thought. I was going to type something witty and charming, but it's gone. Poof!

Perhaps it will reappear later. I'll keep you posted.

*I'm not so cruel that I didn't let him drink half of my double screwdrivers

Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo

I saw the most fantastic t-shirt today. It said, "One by one the penguins are stealing my sanity." I saw another one* the other day that disturbed me. It said, "Wait 'til you see this" with an arrow indicating towards his crotch.

On the Boy front, we are now engaged in a strange competition to see who can be the most annoying. Perhaps I am the only one who is aware of the game. But whether he is aware of it or not, we're both succeeding at being incredibly annoying.

Girl's boyfriend is in town. Oddly enough, he has the same name as Boy. I really don't like him though. He's really smart, but lacks warmth. It is very sad.

*T-shirt that is, not penguin

A Quick Question

What is up with shirtless-smelly-dude in the quad?

Ordinarily I would not object, but I had the misfortune of walking downwind from the guy. And also his physique was reminiscent of a deflated football. I think there should be a rule about such people sitting in front of the door to the cafeteria.

Now I'm going to take a nap.

Have a good day.

Great Gastly Gobs

Of earwax.

I just cleaned out my ears.

It wasn't pretty.

Social Kate? *Gasp Horror*

My apologies for not posting the last couple of days. I've been doing bizarre things like actually talking to people and going out and doing things. My roommate thinks I have multiple personalities or something. I rather think I just go through phases. Sometimes I like the hermit life, sometimes I like being around people (not to be confused with actually liking people - like hiking, there are some things I just won't do).

Anyway, Monday I ended up going out for drinks with DoubleDee, Boy, Mondo, and one of Mondo's friends. Then DoubleDee had to go study for a test (after booze is the best time to study), so we dropped her off and went to the $2 theater to catch a film. We ended up seeing Sin City, which I can appreciate from a graphic novel perspective. But as that isn't really on my top ten list of genres, I don't think I'll be seeing it again. Then we drove around the "bad" part of Providence in search of Mondo's friend's car (incidentally, she is also missing her bicycle).

I didn't go to my classes on Tuesday because I am a lazy bastard (well, we got home at 2 and I hadn't had a nap). DoubleDee and I watched a lot of day time TV. For this reason alone, I'm never skipping classes again.

After dinner, Mondo called me and we took a walk. We found a friend of hers who would loan us a couple of dogs so we went to a park to play with the puppies. They were being bad little furry creatures, so we took them back and ended up going over to the coffee shop. Then after playing a vigorous game of rugby, Boy joined us. We chattered for a bit, then Mondo fetched a chess board. The two of them started a heated game*. As I have never played chess before in my life I was quickly bored. Boy got mad when I kept rearranging Mondo's pieces that he had "killed." I sulked for a bit, but remained incredibly bored. Chain-smoking had even lost it's charm.

So I called just about everyone I know. Chipper wasn't answering, neither was Beaky. I left a message for Airn (we'll get to that conversation later). I even called DoubleDee back in the room. Finally, I found my darling Keiko who was willing to talk to me**. But, of course, just then everyone around me got very loud. It was very sad.

Then I got up and started talking to a random old guy named Jonathan who is a holistic counselor***. I also talked to Cinzia in Italian and told her my pompelmo/pompino story. In return she told me a story about her first time in England when she went into a McDonald's and ordered "fries and a large cock."

Anyway, after several hours Boy and Mondo finished their games (a great victory for Mother Russia or something), so we started walking home. That is when my Airn called me back. Boy and Mondo decided that mocking me while I talked was the best thing to do. As my attention was being torn in 2, I misunderstood several key things Airn was telling me. The most amusing was when she told me that Patrick**** had bought her some kind of vacillating thingy. What I heard was that he had bought her ass cream. My natural reaction was, "He did what with ass cream?" Mondo took what I said and became philosophical saying, "Hmmm, ass scream, would not that be a loud fart?"

Boy was being silly as well, so I kept thwacking him with a rolled up magazine. For some reason this upset him, so he started sulking. But it wasn't a real sulk; it was a ploy. He stole my magazine. Bad Boy, bad.

In a fit of insanity this morning, I decided I was going to skip my first class yet again (DoubleDee has class then so there was no danger of daytime TV). It wasn't meant to be. Mondo saw DoubleDee and asked where I was. DoubleDee told her. The next thing I know, there is someone loudly pounding on my door. Yep. Mondo wasn't about to let me sleep in. So I dragged myself off to class. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And actually, right now we're learning about payroll stuff which is the professor's favorite subject so it's amusing (latest bit of wisdom from my accounting professor: If you have a problem, go to Helen Waite) . Then in my econ class we had a quiz. Somehow I managed to be the first one done and had all of the answers correct. The prof was moderately astounded (considering I hadn't been in the class when the quiz chapter was discussed) and told me I was smart. My ego likes things like that, so I've stopped hating the class (at least this week).

Anyway, while I was in class, Mondo called me 3 times*****. After I had lunch with Girl (we've become good friends and I've learned to stop assuming things), I met up with Mondo and ended up going back over to the coffee shop. After chattering for a couple of hours we headed back towards home. Boy called Mondo to see what she was up to, and failed to understand that I was with Mondo, because right after talking to her he called me. We all started giggling. He was hungry so I met him for dinner (Mondo went off with another of her friends). Then we had hazelnut cappuccino slushies with Girl and talked about all kinds of things.

Now, I'm here. And I want a nap. But first I want a shower.

*What else could it have been with a Russian playing an Afghan?

**We're going to meet up when I get home so she can meet my puppies

***Apparently he also takes naked pictures of 14 year olds, but that is an unconfirmed rumor

****Yep, they're back together

*****She's direct enough that I know she's not hitting on me, it's just strange to me that someone would want to talk to me that much after only knowing me for 3 days

Now That's Something You Don't Come Across Everyday

I just spent a magnificent evening in the company of very lovely people. Through Boy's connections I met a Muslim Afghani lesbian (we shall call her Mondo). She is entirely fantastic and we ended up drinking coffee and wandering around Providence for hours (sadly, Boy wasn't there as he had work to do, but fortunately when he left our company he took Doofus* with him).

After a misguided attempt to go to India Point Park (it was crowded as there was a Cape Verde festival occupying the area), we started an aimless walk. We stopped at a coffee shop where one of the waitresses owed Mondo money, so we got our drinks for free. Then we met a girl from Brown and the three of us sat around chattering about Central Asian politics, culture, and poetry. The barrista was Italian in the coffee shop so I got to refresh my Italian as well. It was so lovely!

Then we wandered some more and ended up at Starbucks where another of Mondo's friends works. The friend wasn't working, but due to synchronicity, she was wandering drunkenly down the street outside as we were leaving. So we got to hear about her drunken debauchery. It was more than amusing, especially when she started singing, "I'm making a spectacle, I'm making a spectacle, don't watch me."

Anyway, yeah, that was my evening. Oooh! And Mondo is going to give me her brother's information in London so when I go there I'll have a personal tour guide. Woohooo!

*Doofus is a very creepy boy who probably wet his bed as a child, furthermore he has no social skills and is a bit lacking in the tact department so he ended up asking the relationship questions Boy and I had been avoiding**

**Boy is dating his computer (he's a programmer) but this doesn't preclude the occasional bit of fun, which suits me perfectly

Hmmm...

I had a lovely conversation with Girl this morning. It turns out she is from one of my favorite countries on the planet, and I seem to be one of the only people around here who have ever heard of it, much less spent any time there. And we're both 24. And we're both set to graduate in the same thing at around the same time. So we have a truce. Or something.

And I'm not sure if she and Boy are together. She talked about Boy and she talked about Boyfriend. They weren't really used interchangeably but they weren't really not either.

Ambiguity kills me...

I figure she's either in love with him, or she's a really protective friend scoping out the potentials. We shall see, I suppose.

But again, at least the secret police shan't be involved.

The Flock Has Gone Astray

My thanks to Catharine for passing this story on. Silly sheep. You gotta feel bad for the shepherds and their families though...

The Plot Thickens...

Okay, so here's the deal. Flirtation continues. But there is now appearing to be the Issue-Of-The-Other-Girl. Why do I never find the truly single ones?

I dunno if they're even dating. I assumed they were last month because I saw them together all the time. Then he starts in on me and I thought maybe she had gone somewhere else or they had broken up (the going away assumption was aided by the fact that I didn't see her around anywhere).

Anyway, we're (me and the other girl) doing the whole I'll-pretend-to-like-you-until-I-figure-out-what's-really-going-on-then-I'll-be-jealous-and-nasty game. I dunno what is going on in Boy's mind.

We just watched a horror movie (Cursed - I don't really recommend it, but that could be partly because Boy likes to shriek when things get jumpy) and drank beer and Smirnoff Ice thingies. At 9:20 ish we went out for a smoke because I can't drink without cigarettes. At 9:30 he started to look nervous. I asked what was up and he said that he was supposed to meet up with Girl because she said she wanted to talk to him and he didn't know about what.

Methinks he will probably be disallowed from talking to me in the near future.

At least this time the secret police won't be involved.

I hope not anyway.

*Sigh*

My New Husband

The proposal was so romantic. I nearly cried.

We were sitting in the cafeteria. I was talking to my Taiwanese friend, Lydia (I don't know her Mandarin name), he was hitting on a Korean girl in an obnoxious and joking manner. Then he leaned across the table and said to me, "Will you marry me?" I nearly choked on my iced tea. He said, "It's okay, you don't have to tell me now. We wait a couple minutes."

I said, "Well, let's go have a cigarette then."

And I explained that marriage for a passport is not an unfamiliar concept in my world.

At dinner, by random coincidence* we arrived at the same time. I got my food, he got his, and then he scampered off. I found a seat with some other people we knew. He sat down and handed me a knife, fork, spoon, and napkins. I told him that was very sweet and I didn't think any boy had ever gotten me silverware before. He said he was just taking care of his future wife.

I collapsed in a puddle of giggles. Apparently people find this charming.

It's kind of funny. Everyone thinks we're sleeping together. But we're not. At least not yet. We shall see, I suppose.

*No, really

Bad Poetry For Chipper

Drunk Dialing Debauchery

"Torque my supple manboob"

cameth the request

Alas, for me

T'was not to be.

Sighing softly I declined,

Took a drag,

And confiscated all the phones.

Ummm... Yeah...

I don't really know what to write today. I wanted to write something deep and profound about what I have learned in the year since I left Yemen, but it's just not happening.

Instead I find myself embroiled in a flirt with *gasp horror* a 21-year-old. It's quite a lot of fun, really. Chipper keeps telling me to bed the boy already, but I prefer to play the game a little longer.

It's much more fun this way.

We've got tentative plans for some vodka-induced inebriation this weekend. I'll keep y'all posted.

Now, I'm off to study Macro because my econ prof is psychotic. And then I will giggle girlishly at myself for being distracted by hazel eyes and an... endearing... accent.

Tah-tah

Ghosts Of 4th's Past

I don't know that I've ever had a really spectacular 4th of July. When I was a kid, we always used to go up to Vail to see the parade and then watch the fireworks. More often than not, I was severely sunburned and miserable. When I was older, we sold the place in Vail, and they weren't allowed to do fireworks anymore anyway for fear of forrest fires.

My first 4th spent abroad was in Italy. It remains one of my favorites. I was staying at a hostel just down the hill from Assisi. I met an American couple (they had actually shown me the hostel) and we say outside on the patio drinking red wine and watching one of the most incredible sunsets I've ever seen while talking about our various adventures.

Last year was a strange and bittersweet 4th. It was my next to last day in Yemen. I had wanted to go to the party at the US Embassy but hadn't bothered to get a ticket in time. So I ended up at the British Club. I spent the evening drinking, smoking, laughing, and saying goodbye to people who had become my friends. There was even a bit of off-key Star Spangled Banner singing because when I'm drunk I don't care that I can't sing.

This year's 4th has already been interesting. After dinner, I smoked damn near 2 packs of cigarettes with my new-found smoker's circle. And I got a tour of Brown University from one od the kids. I've been invited to go see the fireworks with the smokers later this evening, but I think I've reached my quota for sociability for the day. We shall see.

Anyway, now that I've thoroughly bored everyone, I'm going to go take a shower so that I no longer smell like an ashtray (even though I like it).

For all the Americans in the audience, Happy 4th. For everyone else, I hope you've had a lovely day. :0)

Waiter, There's A Fly In My Fruit Salad*

I just found the most lovely site. It's been added to my link list under CFS**. The links are great. I particularly recommend Too Stupid To Be President (and the election stealing animated bit which is a little out of date but still funny) and Opinions You Should Have.

*Can you guess what I had for breakfast?

**Complete Fucking Strangers***

***A term I stole from ChunkyMunky****

****Who now resides at GodHatesGod.com instead of Chocolate Covered Bananas*****

*****Don't worry I changed the link, I just like saying Chocolate Covered Bananas

Special Kind Of Stupid

Calling people who are not sensible a "special kind of stupid" is one of my favorite things to do. The first time I heard the phrase, it was uttered by a stand-up comedian who was talking about dieting and how annoyed she was by the wafer-thin girls who giggle and say, "Ooops, I forgot to eat. Teehee." Her response to this was, "You gotta be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat."

I tend to agree. And have expanded the special kind of stupid category. I have a list somewhere, but it's back in Colorado.

Anyway, I have a new addition. I just watched Black Hawk Down. They had an add for the Army in the middle of it. Do they think that will work? Did it actually entice anyone to join the military?

Personally, I think you've definitely got to be a special kind of stupid to want to join up after watching that kind of story. Mmmm, join the Army. Get your fingers, legs, face, etc blown off while fighting for people who don't want your help. But don't worry, we won't leave you or your severed hand behind...

Joining the Navy after watching Top Gun, I can see. And maybe even after Saving Private Ryan. But Black Hawk Down? No way, dude. No way.

Now That Is Satisfaction

No, I didn't get laid.

I just smoked 3 Marlboro Red 100's.

I am happy. For the first time since sometime in May.

I've also come to the conclusion that social activity around here is closely linked to smoking. I've talked to more people this evening while smoking than I have in the entire time I've been here*.

This is probably because I am mostly agoraphobic and generally don't like people. But as there is a no smoking inside rule, I had to overcome my distaste for all things social and smoke outside with all of the other miscreants.

So, I met Rachel, and chattered with Alex and got a perfectly respectable light** (or three) from Mike from my accounting class.

Now, all I need is to get completely drunk and laid and life will be perfect.

*Slight exagerration

**A lady never leans

Holy Monkies!

I just realized that it is now July. I had no idea. This probably means I should look at a calendar more often.

I haven't had a cigarette for an incredibly long time. I find this very sad.

The music I'm listening to right now is very odd. It's by an Italian "artist" called Zucchero. He's currently crooning a love song. The lyrics go something like this: Quando vedo te, sento le campane, mi scappa la pipi. "When I see you, I hear bells and I pee on myself."

Isn't that romantic?

Oooh, now that's interesting: In questa notte che mi fa impazzire come la maionnese....

"In this night that drives me crazy like mayonnaise."

What's so crazy making about mayonnaise?

Silly Italians.